Carrots and Sticks

The old man who came to live/visit his daughter across the street this past summer caught my eye almost immediately. He is a very short Hispanic man. He is always impeccably dressed in beautiful, classic clothing. Very tailored and well fitted suits or tailored western shirts and slacks. He is always wearing a hat, mostly a cowboy hat, although he has worn a beret a few times too. He must be in his eighties, maybe even older. He walks with a cane. What made me notice him though was his gait. The Tim Conway shuffle would be giant-step race walking compared to his steps. When he first arrived, he would come out, fully dressed and stand in the front yard for several minutes - sometimes as long as half an hour. And then, he would begin to walk. Down the driveway, to the sidewalk to the far side of the next door neighbor's, then back to his daughter's house. It would take him a very long time -- as long as an hour. That is what caught my eye. I couldn't figure out if he were simply very bored and merely taking his time or what. I was amazed that anyone could take such tiny, tiny steps. Not steps really. Just a small movement of each foot only an inch or even less, each time.

Several days last summer, when I happened to be in the front part of the house when he was out walking, I paused in my own activities to marvel at how slow he could move. My next door neighbor, a woman in her nineties who most often uses a wheel chair for her own mobility, even remarked on his movements to me. She told me he had just been released from the hospital; that his daughter had gone to the Valley and brought him to live with her. That he was miserable and she doubted he would stay.

Well, he has stayed. It has been at least six months and he is still here. Several times as I have been entering or leaving the neighborhood in my car, I have seen him out. In fact, a few times I have waved "hello" to him and he has even waved back. While I was preparing for Thanksgiving I saw him out. Something about seeing him was different, but I was very busy and distracted and pushed it out of my mind. While I was decorating the Christmas tree and the front of the house, I again saw him several times. Again, there was something I needed to notice, but, once again, I pushed it from me.

Then, a couple of days ago, while taking down the tree, it struck me. I was in the living room for several hours, removing ornaments from the tree. When I first began my project, I saw the old man out, walking down the sidewalk. He was wearing a beautiful cream colored western cut suit with his cream colored western hat. He was using his cream colored cane, walking slowly down the sidewalk. I began thinking of how, as a society, we have changed so much in our dress and attitude towards dressing in the last forty to fifty years. When I began removing my wreath from the front door, I noticed the old man entering his daughter's house. Then, several hours later, while I was bringing various decorations to the dining room from other parts of the house, I saw the old man out walking again. This time, he was walking from my side of the street across and back to his side of the street. Then, while preparing dinner, I saw him out once again; walking up the sidewalk. Wait. He is walking up the sidewalk. The opposite direction. The direction that ends at the top of a pretty short but steep climb. Hey! Come to think of it, this afternoon, he was crossing the street in front of my house. That means he was walking up the street, crossing over to my side, and then walking to the end on my side and walking up his own side, back to his daughter's house! Wait! According to walkjogrun, that is a .37 mile walk! And, he is walking it three times a day! There's more. His gait is vastly different! He is taking actual steps. Very short steps, but steps nonetheless.

I should be ashamed of myself. This old, old man who has been very ill, has made great progress while I have, literally, sat on my butt. I still have good health. Yet, I am destroying it. A blasphemy to the good health with which my life has been blessed. If I truly believe that life is scared, shouldn't I being living proof that it is by taking care of myself? By taking care of this wonderful body I have inherited?

Don't I have the where-with-all to accomplish any goal I set in this area? Haven't I been given the mind plus all the working parts to get it done? Haven't I instead, used procrastination, laziness, instant gratification and denial as adolescent, even childish tools against my own self? How smart is that?

New try, old habits

Gonna try again, once more, to get it right. One thing for sure, the falling off the wagon and the failing part I've got down pat! Mother used to say, "it's easy -- just don't do it again"! Of course, she was talking about quitting smoking. Not that she ever smoked. Nor did she ever get fat. Have to admit though -- she was right about the quitting smoking. Turned out that after smoking cigarettes for 34 years - all I really had to do to quit, was stop putting one in my mouth! Made me mad she was right, too!

Sometimes I wonder why it works that way -- why is it that when I'm the Mother, it should always be unquestioned that I am right and know what I'm talking about! It was only when she was Mother, that I took it that, naturally, she was wrong.

Maybe it is hereditary? Sometimes, my children seem to suffer from the same delusions.

Although I spent a great deal of money and time looking for the right solution to stop smoking, one that would lessen my urges, one that would help me forget my love affair and dependence on nicotine, it is clear now that I wasted a great many years trying to avoid the quitting part. I allowed myself to get wrapped up and sidetracked into trying to make it easier to quit. I know now, I should've just quit.

My failures to lose this weight, are, I believe, very similar. I've wasted a great deal of time and money on joining gyms and websites, hiring personal trainers, buying diet books, buying pedometers, weight scales, heart monitors, shoes, exercise clothes, exercise music, exercise dvds, tapes, and special foods, snacks, supplements, and vitamins instead of only focusing on getting rid of the weight! If I want to lose the weight, I need to work and keep my focus on losing weight, not focus on things to help me make it easier to lose or track my weight. Duh!

To that end, I will need to keep myself accountable for what I do eat day to lose weight -- limit my caloric intake in a verifiable way (weigh my food and enter it into fitday) -- increase my movement and caloric expenditures in a verifiable way (clock all of my daily exercise and enter it into fitday). I will monitor my progress by weekly weigh-ins.

No more spitting into my hand and wishing...