Custom job

If I were building me, to my own personal specifications, what would I put together? If I were to put that custom me, into a custom made life, what would that life be? Can I picture the me I would want to be? Is it something I can define, describe? If a picture is worth a thousand words, is it an abstract drawing or a realistic hi-def hi-res photo? How well do I know myself? How much of me to I like? How much of me is just existing because I never put something purposeful there? Does the me in my head, match the me in my life? Is it even a reasonable facsimile? Or just a joke I play on myself? Are my ideals and beliefs solid enough to be put to practice, or, are they empty cliches and recited slogans of ideals with no practical application? Do I have a life, or an existence? Shouldn't I have a rather complex structure of me already existing by this time? Why is so much of what I perceive to be a life's ambition, waiting for something else to happen before I can start having it? Do I define myself or do I look for others to define me? Is my life purposeful? Now?

If I wanted to design myself, I would start with designing the type of person I would want to be. I would be active, helpful, purpose driven and useful. I would be a liberal like Christ -- generous and of service to others -- and always treating other people just like I would want them to treat me. I'd like to have a wide circle of friends and a good social life. I want to spend quality time with my loving husband and be good and loving company and fun company for him in our daily life. I want to be my husband's help mate in all things. I want to travel. I want to experience new adventures.

I am definitely not active, nor, am I particularly helpful, only occasionally purpose driven and not too useful. Looks like I need to fix some things? I am sometimes grudgingly generous and of no service to any one. Ugh. I don't have very many friends and I don't have a social life at all!

Well, I know there are things I don't want to be too. I don't want to be obsessed with things, don't care about acquiring except for things that make our life enjoyable. I don't want to be mean spirited, petty, judgmental, nosy, gossipy, unkind, dishonest, hurtful, or selfish. Ooh, I don't want to be lazy either.

I guess if I were to be a digital hi-res photo, the picture would be very blurry and the colors would be all wrong.